I am humbled when I consider how poorly I have loved others. Not to say that I have not cared for their well being, sometimes with all of my heart. When I have seen another going down a wrong path, I have prayed intently and looked for times to speak to them. But I notice that often my focus was not to truly love, it was to get them to change.

Now, let me clarify…I continue to believe strongly in our role to awaken and guide one another into better paths through life. But when it is the main reason for connecting with people, we can easily lose sight of respecting another. And we can miss out on the power of genuine care. I now believe that simple love must be the priority.

I was once told, “I don’t want a teacher, I want a friend.” I never forgot those words. They opened my eyes to the desires of our hearts, which are acceptance and unconditional love. They helped me see that truly helping another comes not from advising them, but from addressing their deeper needs for genuine connecting.

Our Motivations Matter

If we approach a relationship with the mission to change the other person, we can come from a place of arrogance. We can become pushy or obsessive in trying to be someone’s savior. The person can become irritated or no longer want to talk to us. We become burdened and drained. Even if approached gently, when our priority is to fix someone, we misunderstand love and view the other as a project, rather than a valuable child of God.

Of course our desire to help can come from a sincere place of love. Yet if we are not careful, we can easily combine this feeling with human fear and the desire to control. We can lose the capacity for respect, and be unaware of God’s presence in the other person.

When another’s actions become the focus, we do not understand what is most important to God. We show our own inner beliefs that he cares more about what we do or don’t do, than about us. But God’s main purpose is not to monitor us. It is to simply love.

As we simply love, we send the message that actions do not make up who we are. We show others that they are lovable simply because God chose them as his children.

There is great value in just being present with someone through their pains and their joys. Even in openly listening as someone talks about struggles they are do not yet want to give up. A person’s greatest need is not to be judged. And often it is not to be told what to do. Oftentimes what we need most of all is to be understood and supported. We need to be believed in; to be seen as full of hope. When offering this to each other, we can experience a comforting glimpse of God.

Love is a healing experience - an experience that can do what words cannot.
It can refresh and motivates us towards good.
It is simple love that creates change.

But what about this - doesn’t real love mean telling someone something even if they don’t want to hear it? Yes, it does. There are times for this sort of action; God-given times. But I venture to say that more often we are asked to simply love. And we are always asked to love first. We are the ones who make it more complicated because we become afraid, arrogant or impatient.

God’s Abilities and Our Limitations

First of all, we should be careful to assume that we know what is best for someone else. Only God is wise enough to always know what someone really needs.

We are asked to “consider ourselves with sober judgment,” assuming that just as we can teach another, so they can teach us. As one person struggles, so we struggle likewise, even if in different areas. We are all children of God along the same path of continual redemption.

God can use us naturally if we calm ourselves to simply love. From there he can bring the opportunities to help another, if it is what he desires. But we must first love; and then lean on God’s wisdom, power and love.

When we experience the desire to watch someone develop, let it become heartfelt words in prayer. We cannot trust in ourselves to always know what to do or how to do it. We should not think we can change a person’s heart. But we can lean our trust on God’s abilities, and wait on him to heal and mold others deep within; in the best ways

Let us leave the transformation up to the one who specializes in it.

It comes down to this –
What would we want?

We all want to be respected and believed in. We would not want someone to view us as a person in need of change or repair; but as a beloved, capable person of God.

As we go through life, do we not want someone who will listen with compassion while reserving judgment? Someone who will be quick to encourage and have hope?
Let us love as we would want to be loved.

God does not push himself on us, and his kindness is what draws us most to him. He is gentle, walking with us in understanding and patience; while ever trusting in the reality of who we are.

We can do the same. We can simply love.


“Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:13)